I am continually fascinated by stories of long term couples either breaking up awaiting a marriage or having the long awaited wedding. They usually go along the same lines as a recent story in the Daily Telegraph’s “Confidential” pages (21/1/09).
Rugby League player, Craig Wing, has split with his ‘partner’ of 10 years, Zoe Foster. It is reported that Ms Foster was tired of waiting for a marriage proposal. It all sounds fair enough so far, no bloke should take 10 years to propose to the girl he loves.
However in the next paragraph it is reported that Ms Foster is now moving out of their Bronte apartment. This changes things. These two were cohabitating, which means they were married under common law, they just didn’t have the wedding. By law they had the same rights as any married couple would have had. So why would she be hanging out for a wedding? Perhaps if she lived a bit further away he would have proposed to be closer to her.
Men being men, if we’re being given something without going to any extra effort then the girls shouldn’t expect any extra effort. As in, if you’re living with a fella, don’t expect him to propose any time soon. Why??? Because you are married already. One can only assume that the man is already getting what usually comes with a marriage as well, so why bother with the wedding?
Some men do end up proposing, perhaps reluctantly, and the girls get all excited about the big wedding even though they have been married for many years according to common law.
Some people consider cohabitation to be like a trial marriage. However this is a contradiction in terms. If you listen to Phillip Jenson’s sermon series “Love, Sex & Marriage” (he acknowledges that the order is wrong), he states that a marriage is for life, therefore by it’s very nature it cannot be temporary.
Rugby League player, Craig Wing, has split with his ‘partner’ of 10 years, Zoe Foster. It is reported that Ms Foster was tired of waiting for a marriage proposal. It all sounds fair enough so far, no bloke should take 10 years to propose to the girl he loves.
However in the next paragraph it is reported that Ms Foster is now moving out of their Bronte apartment. This changes things. These two were cohabitating, which means they were married under common law, they just didn’t have the wedding. By law they had the same rights as any married couple would have had. So why would she be hanging out for a wedding? Perhaps if she lived a bit further away he would have proposed to be closer to her.
Men being men, if we’re being given something without going to any extra effort then the girls shouldn’t expect any extra effort. As in, if you’re living with a fella, don’t expect him to propose any time soon. Why??? Because you are married already. One can only assume that the man is already getting what usually comes with a marriage as well, so why bother with the wedding?
Some men do end up proposing, perhaps reluctantly, and the girls get all excited about the big wedding even though they have been married for many years according to common law.
Some people consider cohabitation to be like a trial marriage. However this is a contradiction in terms. If you listen to Phillip Jenson’s sermon series “Love, Sex & Marriage” (he acknowledges that the order is wrong), he states that a marriage is for life, therefore by it’s very nature it cannot be temporary.
People will get it eventually.
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6 comments:
"People will get it eventually."
No they won't :-)
The saying 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' comes to mind.
Interesting Hammer,
However I would like to say that I think there is a different feeling in the air after a proposal, no matter the couple's previous living situation. I've heard it said many times that "it's different" after the couple are married. When a couple make such a significant and spiritual commitment to each other, there is an understandable change in the relationship.
Of course females are more emotional beings than males and the commitment of a wedding and the ensuing marriage is something that they place a lot more value on - not to say that males don't value the celebration of marriage.
I understand that under common law, a couple in a defacto relationship have the same rights, but clearly this is irrelevant because, as Jensen would attest - God's law comes above ours. It's interesting that you refer to Phillip Jensen in a blog that concerns females and their rights under 'common law'.
I think your sweeping generalisation of men paints a rather bleak image... maybe Rugby League players are an exception.
Tim
A few thoughts:
* I'm going to guess that these different feelings come mainly from the women in the relationship, because after all they are "more emotional beings than males." Men are usually more than happy to stay as is because they are getting what they want, ie 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'
* I am also going to assume that those in cohabiting relationships aren't too interested in "God's laws" otherwise this probably would make good sense and they would be living apart until properly married
* Shouldn't be strange that I mention Phillip Jenson and his Love, Sex, Marriage sermon series as it was in these talks that he mentions the whole notion of having a marriage without the wedding.
Hammer,
I sometimes wonder why all the fuss around weddings like this one. I mean if all that changes is your name on a piece of paper then why all the excitement....except maybe that they are making a long term commitment to each other. And even that is a bit of a joke in today's society, when no fault divorces are handed out left right and center.
It is this reason that I love going to christian weddings so much. You know the excitement and the anticipation and the waiting that has happened previously. You know that for them it is about a complete lifestyle change and not just a piece of paper I think this is one thing tha makes them so exciting!
Just my thoughts
Sara
great stuff. i remember hearing talks (admittedly there were only a few!) about marriage and sex and how sex is a gift from God to be shared with your husband/wife. I think Joshua Harris has also written some good stuff about it in his book Boy Meets Girl.
it's a shame we don't talk about the whole idea more often in churches, about the precious gift it is and about the importance of waiting on God and opening the gift (sex) after the party (marriage), when he intended it to be opened.
Alison
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